I recently attended a lecture by author and economist Catherine Pakaluk titled “Motherhood and the Hidden Art of Gratitude.” It was less about motherhood than gratitude, a concept that’s been twisted in a materialistic, consumerist society: while we tend to think about gratitude as being “thankful” for a host of (mainly material) goods that we’ve already been given, it also applies to those intangible things we’ve not yet discovered, received, or created. It often involves anticipation of goods to come, those we hope and long for and that have intrinsic value—those goods like health and wealth, which cannot be measured against other market goods.

Temporal goods, like (hopefully!) the Thanksgiving meal we shared with our families this past week, are goods that we consume and enjoy, and that satiate. But the other kind of goods—those with lasting and eternal worth—don’t satiate, but only increase our yearning for more. As Pakaluk explained, longing for more of these goods is actually not greedy or consumerist: we can simply never have too many of them, and so, longing for more is a bold act of hopeful expectation. 

Of course, one of the clearest ways we see this come to life is through children: an incarnation of hope and a bold pronouncement that there are, indeed, things valuable in and of themselves. 

When we lose sight of this truth, bringing new life into the world becomes not a bold act of hope, but an endeavor whose value is weighed against competing priorities. If we pursue it, we think, it had better be worth our time. And so we end up at the mercy of the fertility industry, one that enables us to customize, order, even demand the type of children we want and when we want them. This is what Patience Sunne explores in her essay “Illusions of Control and the Ableism of Big Fertility.” A state (pregnancy, or expecting a child through the process of adoption) that was at first all joyful expectation and mystery has become a practice of manhandling and control. As Sunne writes, “Children are not a means to the end of adult happiness or fulfilled longings. Refusal to accept that we are not ultimately in control [of them] means asserting our control over others.”

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Chris Tollefsen expounds on this problem of control in his essay on IVF and the relatively new technology of polygenic embryo screening. Ethical issues with the practice aside, the process of carefully selecting embryos that fit a specific menu of requirements (even noble ones, like avoiding the potential for disease) strips us of the character-forming process of awaiting, expecting, and ultimately, being surprised by the particular person who is coming to us. As Tollefsen writes, attempts to control “‘what we get’ will always fail to eliminate the contingency, particularity, and irreducibility of the person, whose concrete individuality will . . . always transcend whatever power we attempt to exercise over it.”

Infiltrating the culture with countercultural thinking about the value of life—and its connection to true, authentic gratitude—is not a religious or political matter, and no ideological camp has the upper hand in the argument. We need civil dialogue across political lines, and that’s what we seek to do here at Public Discourse: to take the time to separate these real, lasting issues from political or religious tribalism and think—really, truly think—about what the truth really is. 

Other Noteworthy Pieces This Month

  • In the spirit of seeking collaboration and civil dialogue, see our trio of essays on what different religious traditions can do internally to manage our current cultural discord and vitriol—and how they can help each other. Carl Trueman writes from the Protestant perspective, while Daniel Burns and Yoram Hazony address the Catholic and Jewish traditions, respectively. 
  • Contributing editor Micah Watson reflects on the unlikely bonds of civility and charity that form in American prisons. 
  • Finally, R. J. Snell shares words of moderation and calm in the aftermath of an election cycle fraught with anxiety on both sides.

 

From the Archives

For a powerful reflection on gratitude, revisit this piece by Howard Slugh and Tal Fortgang.

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Happy Thanksgiving, and thanks for reading and supporting PD.

Image by Konstantin Yuganov and licensed via Adobe Stock.